Today I Fished
Bekah Steimel
today I fished
off the end of a dock
and watched
a fat night crawler
at the top
of the heap
in my doomed little bucket
desperately digging down
trying to
escape the sun
she isn’t even aware
of my hook
yet
it’s the light she fears
I empathize
she has to wriggle around
and maneuver herself
through
shit and dirt
just to find a little
peace in the dark
I understand
I see my early death
my body
sinking into our
pillowtop mattress
or sliding down
into a warm bubble bath
a night crawler
is stabbed repeatedly
nearly drowned
and eaten alive
today my life
is a little prettier than usual
I granted amnesty
to my remaining slimy captives
and walked home.
off the end of a dock
and watched
a fat night crawler
at the top
of the heap
in my doomed little bucket
desperately digging down
trying to
escape the sun
she isn’t even aware
of my hook
yet
it’s the light she fears
I empathize
she has to wriggle around
and maneuver herself
through
shit and dirt
just to find a little
peace in the dark
I understand
I see my early death
my body
sinking into our
pillowtop mattress
or sliding down
into a warm bubble bath
a night crawler
is stabbed repeatedly
nearly drowned
and eaten alive
today my life
is a little prettier than usual
I granted amnesty
to my remaining slimy captives
and walked home.
Working notes
Half the women I’ve dated have been vegetarians. One girlfriend would even try to rescue worms that had been stranded on the sidewalk after a hard rain. I am an animal lover myself; however, I’ve fished with worms since I was a kid. On the day I wrote this poem, I realized the affinity I felt toward the worms in my bait bucket. Their struggle to find a little peace in the dark reflected my own struggle with addiction. The poem was the first sober poem I’d written in nearly a decade. I jotted it down before I left the dock. The smile on my lips did not fade the whole way home because I knew I had something as soon as I had finished it writing it.
About the author
Bekah Steimel lives in St. Louis, Missouri and is working on a first collection of poetry, chronicling one lesbian's struggles with addiction, fidelity, mental illness, and mortality. Her poetry has appeared in publications such as Diverse Arts Project, Full of Crow, Mused, RiverLit, Sinister Wisdom, and Skin to Skin. For more information, visit her website.